burn out

The strangest thing happened to me this morning; I woke up about 3:00 am (this is not the strange part) and was thinking about what I was going to do around the farm today. Then I realized that I was mistaken and that I thought today was Saturday, but was actually Friday.  When I realized that, I really was discouraged about going in to work.  That is the strange part.  I never don't want to go in to work.  Its not that I always want to do everything that I do at work, and its not like I don't love my time off, but over all, I love what I do.  I think that this was the first time that I actually did not want to go to work just as an over all feeling in the nearly 5 years that I have owned my own business (or businesses).
In my Sunday School class, we have been talking about Christian disciplines.  Oddly enough, writing a journal was the first on the list.  That seems strange to me; I guess I can see the merit in it, but when I think of Christian disciplines, I think of things listed in the Bible like fasting, regular prayer, meeting regularly with the saints, etc.  But whatever, my blog needs some attention anyway, and I can't stand to pick up a pen and move it around at a snails pace, so I guess this morning I will use this as my format, and journal about my work discouragement.  So here is my analysis:

Work:
I push myself pretty hard. That's how things get done, is by me pushing. I don't push hard all the time, all day long, and I don't feel like a work-a-holic or anything; in 5 years, I've only worked one or two Saturday mornings, never on Sunday, and I'm home by 5:30 or my wife knows about it by 5:00. Its true that I go in pretty early some days, and catch up on office stuff, but I figure on days like today that I am up anyway, it doesn't even count as time away from my family.  If they are all asleep, what difference does it make?  But anyway, it feels like I seldom turn down a job or a responsibility.  I am not at all opposed to delegating, and have excellent people to delegate to; but feel like if I have a few days that all my responsibilities come home at once to roost, it is really over whelming!  I guess that was what yesterday was about.  Thursday, I personally dealt with: gutters, gutter covers, fascia repair soffit covers, window well covers, siding, screen replacement, patio covers, bidding large commercial awnings, pouring small concrete footings, window replacements, and then on the roofing end of it we had to deal with a standing seam metal roof, asphalt shingles, structural metal panels skylight panels, and perhaps worst of all: helpless, hapless insurance adjusters that want to argue about details of an upper-end "designer" metal shingle that they admittedly don't know anything about, but still argue when you answer their questions of "how did you come up with this number" with the statement "I know this because I was on the roof the LAST TIME THIS STINKING ROOF WAS DONE!!!" THAT'S HOW I KNOW IT, how many of these $900.00 per square roofs have you installed?  Its a little different when you're standing on the roof doing it than reading about it." (I didn't really say all that last part). Anyway, the list goes on: then body shop stuff, whether to advertise or not, and a firearm transfer... is that all? Man, I'm already tired.  I guess on top of all this is maybe since Gary has been gone so much lately.  I kind of feel like he doesn't have that much involvement in anything but his newest business, but maybe in his absence I've come to the realization that he does more than I think?

Home:
Home is generally much simpler, much easier.  However in the last couple of weeks, I've been pushing pretty hard here too.  I've been building fence like a fiend, cause the sheep were coming, whether the fence was done or not.  Evenings and all weekends, after doing all the chores of the existing livestock (I don't do the rabbits); the good part of this is that thanks to Wifey, I've realized how much help my kids can be; if they are just outside with me and willing to help.  So building fence a planning the next project,  the back porch or deck area.  We have live here for around 7 years using a rickety trailer house style portable stairs to access the back door.  Well, mama's gonna get a new deck!  Maybe.  We will see how much it costs.  I bought a pop up camper to go on vacation, I need to take the time to mess with it and see what needs done to it before we leave with it.

The main thing is this; none of this normally feels like work to me.  I don't feel really ambitious or like I want to take over the world or anything (necessarily, I mean, I would be fine with that...) its just that, firstly, I thrill at getting things done, finishing things, and taking on new challenges, and secondly, have really been forced to diversify my company/companies in order to keep things going as our economy drooped and insurance work dried up.