meat canning disaster

Lest people think that I imagine my life as one endless string of wonderful  successes after another, I have a story to share about my Saturday morning.
You see, in my journey to becoming ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, or whatever catastrophe may befall us, I've decided that I need to resurrect the fine art and science of canning, specifically, canning meat.
I mentioned in my last post going to the Kingsley's place last week to get my little piggies.  Anna gave Herself a couple quarts of venison meat that she had canned.  That really got my juices going, and I decided that this is something that I should be interested in, because with raising 5-6 pigs, I could save a bunch of money if I butchered them myself, and that could be the answer to the problem of not having enough freezer space.  I could butcher a hog, smoke half or a quarter of it, make some premium roasts or steaks, and if I messed any cuts up, being the raw rookie that I am, I could make sausage out it or just can it!
So, buttressed with this flash of brilliance, I proceeded to research obsessively  about pressure cooker, canning meat, etc.  In doing this, I also realized that there is a WHOLE culture of people who also obsess about being prepared in the event of disaster, and they even have labels and names for it all.  Amazing what you can find on YouTube... Maybe some of you have heard of "Preppers"?  I guess it's a TV show; I had no idea, I've still not seen it.  And something else about shtf.  Whatever that is, some sub-culture thing I guess; anyway, it's not like I want to join a club earning merit badges or anything, I'm just interested in taking care of my own.
So, in a rare moment of forethought, I did decide to give it a trial run before I killed a pig and went "whole hog".

And this is what it looks like:













Cube the meat and stuff it in the jar; it's not Rocket Science or so I thought, anyway.  I won't go into a detailed explanation of how to do all this stuff since if you read it to the end, you will realize I'm no one to take canning advise from.
I borrowed my mom's pressure cooker and put the thawed roast that I had crammed into the jar into it, turned the heat on, let it get to boiling, plopped the weight on top and walked away.  I came back into the shed where I had it all set up and cooking to check on it several times.


















I could hear the steam releasing, just barely "chuckling" along; it sounded like this: "shhhhhhhhhh, chick, shhhhhhhhhh, chick, shhhhhhhhhh, chick, shhhhhhhhhh, chick..."  I told my self that I remembered my mom using it as a kid and it sounded faster, like there was more steam coming out, like this: "chick, chick, chick, chick..." So, I turned it up.  About 5 minutes later I'm standing there with my neighbor admiring my handiwork, when that old pressure cooker started talking: "BAMMMMMM!" because that pop off valve blew and steam blasted out of the little hole! It just kept coming and coming.  From the floor to the top of my shed is 22 feet, I'm sure that geyser would have blasted twice that height if it was outside. That's a good way to humidify a place in a hurry!  I hurried over and shut off the heat, but Wow! what an experience, I bet you never catch me bending over that crazy thing while its cooking...
Oh, well, back to the drawing board, I guess.
Oh, and as of right now, it seems that my Root Beer was a dismal failure as well, it seems (not done yet) that slight fermentation process (kind of a yogurty sort of fermentation) isn't going to happen, so it will be completely flat instead of naturally carbonated.  :(

Strike 2...