On Parenthood.

On Parenthood.

I can’t image anything that is both as rewarding and frustrating as parenthood. There has been nothing in my life that compares to it in relation to learning about myself. I remember previous to marriage, that I felt that I was this well adjusted adult, and would benefit not only my spouse, but also the institute of marriage and therefore the world and our society in general just by getting married. Permanently attaching yourself to another human and committing the remainder of your lives to each other before God is an excellent tool to provide a magnifying glass for some of your otherwise imperceptible character flaws. We both did a lot of growing that first year or so and emerged from our 1st anniversary feeling as if we had this whole thing licked, and were looking forward to also benefiting the institution of marriage (and therefore the world and our society) with several well behaved children that would be potty-trained by 9 months of age, that would grow up very calmly, marry well, and support their parents in their dotage. At this point, none of these expectations have been realized, and I have wondered at a society and world that would just let an absent-minded near-lunatic person such as I even reproduce, for fear of what the offspring would bring to said society.

This is not to be meant as a discouragement, though; and as I alluded to earlier, I can’t really think of anything else in life that has frustrated me as much but that I would be still so willing to give my life for. I often think how similar our relationship with our children is with our own “Heavenly Father”. Don’t you think that He often shakes his head one moment; then is nearly bursting with pride the next, just as we do with our own children? I remember one child was having a difficult time learning the lesson of staying away from the toilet. Emma always liked to splash in it, and whenever the opportunity arose, she would make a bee-line for the bathroom, despite very consistent and insistent disciplinary actions. Of course, as in many parenting situations, there is always the oblivious relative that makes statements such as “Why don’t you just teach her not to do that?” This from the same person that can’t even remember to at least flush the thing when he was done with it, much less put the lid down over it.

Anyway, I happened to be there when she really “got it”. Unseen, I was watching (with a spoon) as she crawled over to the toilet, pulled herself up and looked into her favorite toy, and you could just see the turmoil of making that decision go all over her face. Finally, she sat back down, and started crawling off, away from the temptation. It struck me then, how pleased our Father must feel when we make a similar decision to do what is right, despite how pleasurable it must seem to indulge ourselves in such luxuries as splashing in dirty toilet water, juxtaposed with the disgust of watching us revel in filth when we choose to disobey and give into whatever temptation is before us.

But I often think that it is in our own failures that we really get to know the mind of God. In our house, we struggle with anger. Unfortunately, as you may have already guessed, our children aren’t privileged with having perfect examples for parents. When we see our children react in a negative way to a stressful situation in a manner that brings to mind how we as parents react, it is a painful reminder that we are still always responsible for how we act. This is not something like “oh I wish we were more organized”, or “our kids make our house so messy” but something that will affect our children, and our children’s children from this point forward. This is sin that is in our very nature, and left unattended will not only fester, but if I know anything of human nature, will grow. This is something that is only remedied by being brought before our God with constant prayer, begging Him for help, asking forgiveness from our children, and sometimes the saturation of the Word by copying relevant verses onto note-cards and posting them all over the house, where it is perpetually brought to mind, and the Lord is faithful, and gracious, and we have seen progress.

On the more positive side, it also becomes obvious when you are doing something right. Social norms and mores doesn’t come very naturally to children ages 1 through 7, and it’s a very good thing that we can always just fall back onto the simple, catch-all explanation of “its just rude”. Not that we have it all figured out, by any means, but I think it would be considered unusual for a perfect stranger to approach you at a restaurant and tell you that he was so impressed by your kids’ manners and discipline that he had already paid your bill. I tell this not to brag, but to say that (again) like our relationship with our Heavenly Father, our children are emissaries of ourselves, and when they behave in a righteous manner, it brings glory to us. Now as far as free meals go, we have the benefit of an ever-downward-spiraling society that no longer any grasp what-so-ever of propriety, dignity, self-control, or just plain “manners” especially in small children, so it is pretty easy to look good.

We have delighted in our children, we have yelled at them, we have kissed them, we have hugged them, we have prayed for them-and with them all, we have literally seen the power that prayer has for them and on them, and we have mourned and still do mourn for one very small one, but most of all we give praise for them.

But looking back at our first child’s birth, I can still quite vividly recall the flood of relief that washed over me after a difficult delivery, when the doctor and all the nurses were gone from the room, the lights were dimmed and it was just us and this brand-new, nearly blind, very pink, healthy wriggly thing that was obviously uncomfortable in her new surroundings, understandably quite bewildered with what had just happened to her. All the anxiety that had built up over the course of the last 24 hours just broke away as I lay back with this gift and breathed a scrap of a prayer to a gracious God, “thank you Lord”. And yet even at that point, I had no idea at that time how very much I had to be thankful for.


List of frustrations
· Children finger-painting with poop
· Slow moving children
· A house that clearly demonstrates the principle of accelerated entropy.
· Kids get in the way of “getting stuff done!”

List of joys
· Obedience when they don’t know your looking
· Seeing siblings being best friends
· Seeing spiritual interest in your children
· Eating together
· Kids that love to snuggle, even though YOU know you really are a jerk